My Thyroid Story

face of thyroid disease

I’ve shared my stories about Fibromyalgia in a couple blogs prior, but I decided it was time to go ahead and share my Hypothyroidism story!
First I want to just go over some things about hypothyroidism.

  • Hypothyroidism is a condition in which your thyroid gland doesn’t produce enough thyroid hormone to function properly.
  • It is more common in elderly women, but can occur in any gender, at any age.
  • There are over 100 symptoms, some more common than others, of hypothyroidism. Some of the most common are weight gain, fatigue, dry skin, constipation, pain and/or swelling in your joints, puffy face, hair loss or thinning, depression, anxiety, congnitive difficulties, mental disorders, and more.
  • If you are undiagnosed or go untreated, your symptoms can get worse, as time goes on.
  • Going untreated or undiagnosed for a long period of time can result in myxedma coma. A serious condition that happens when hypothyroidism has gone untreated/undiagnosed for a long period of time.
  • TSH, thyroid stimulating hormone, is the most common test done for hypothyroidism. While a very important test, a full thyroid panel should be done! This will check all aspects of your thyroid. I will provide the link for more information about thyroid blood tests at the end of my story. The optimal levels for your TSH are between 0.3-3.0

Well let’s get on with it! My thyroid story.

thyroid awareness

When I started high school in 2008-2009, I was a fairly healthy girl. I had good grades in all my classes, had after school activities, and enjoyed just being a teenager. I went through freshman year with little to no health problems besides occasional IBS that I had struggled with for years.

Sophomore year, 2009-2010, I was starting to feel a little more “off”. I got tired easily, my body ached, I got migraines, and I was falling in and out of depression. After going back and forth to my family doctor I begged and pleaded to get answers. They found nothing besides some tendinitis here, sinus infection there, relatively normal stuff. But as I went into junior year, things took an awful turn. I found myself sleeping up to 20 hours a day, migraines every day, depressed, feeling overwhelmed with anxiety, body aches constantly, and more. My doctor decided to test my thyroid and also refer me to a rheumatologist. My TSH was normal, just under 3.0, in October of 2010.

The rheumatologist went over my symptoms, did a tender point check, and diagnosed me on the spot with fibromyalgia. She then did blood work for inflammation, checked my vitamin levels (only vitamin D was low), full thyroid panel this time, and much more. All of which came back… You guessed it, normal! At this point I lost my drive. I lost my fight. I would drive to school and break down in the parking lot, coming up with excuses to call my mom to just come back home, so I could cry and sleep. This happened nearly once a week, I was in the nurses office constantly, and then the breakdowns got more frequent. The homework piled up. My teachers were disappointed. I felt guilty when I would get behind in their classes and leave them with make-up work to grade; if I could even do it. Friends would ask “You were gone again yesterday? Are you ever gonna come to school?” I never knew if it was jokingly or meant to be hurtful. I felt so overwhelmed, and I finally couldn’t take it anymore and I just shut down. I didn’t finish my junior year.

I started working the summer of my senior year, fatigued and mentally broken. I worked so I didn’t have to let down my family anymore. Little did I know, they weren’t disappointed in me to begin with. They saw my struggle but just had no clue how to help. That summer, in June of 2011, I found the man who is now my husband. I hid my real self from him. We would go on dates and then I would go home, collapse into my bed, take ibuprofen and Tylenol, and put on a happy face when we talked. He knew about the fibromyalgia, but he didn’t know what it did to me. I started senior year as sick as junior year ended, but with optimism. “I can do this,” I thought to myself. When I would do homework in front of my then boyfriend, he could see my struggle to pay attention and comprehend things. I would get frustrated, take breaks, try again, and give up. My mind was racing, it’s like it couldn’t be quiet so I could concentrate on my studies. Fortunately, he stood by my side when the struggle became too much for my mind and body, and held my hand the whole way to getting my GED. I received my certificate while he was away at basic training. I quit my old job in my old town, got a new job, but as old habits prove true.. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t push grocery carts up and down the parking lot in the rain, or lift 40 lb bags of salt. Again, my body said no and I had to quit. By this time, I was in an even worse state mentally. My family didn’t know what to say or do.

Around Christmas my boyfriend  came home from basic training, and he left as my fiance. We had a wedding to plan! This lifted my spirits. I was hopeful and optimistic once again. I started classes at a local community college and planned our wedding. For awhile I stayed caught up on my work. Assignments on time and going to class every week. And then I wore thin. My body ached and my mind went from foggy to racing within minutes, thinking of all the thoughts I could imagine. Chest pains warranted an ER visit. No answers for the chest pains, “nothing serious” they said. But somehow my mind just wasn’t at ease. I went home screaming in my head, “I want a reason!” Finally my body had worn down, and my mind followed. I lied to the ones I loved about going to class. I was ashamed to confide in friends and tell them I wasn’t in school anymore. But I put on that happy face and still managed to plan our wedding. Not to mention how soon afterwards we would be moving over a thousand miles away from everything we knew and loved.

Our wedding day came and it was all I could have hoped for. I was marrying a supportive man who I am still so proud of to this day. We were surrounded by those who loved us unconditionally. We had a great time dancing, socializing, and celebrating our union. But unfortunately, we had to leave our wedding around 10 pm because my body was completely exhausted.

The wedding came and went, and soon we were off to Texas. Here is where every state of my being declined. I was stressed, depressed, homesick, and my body and mind were completely exhausted. Within the first 2 weeks in Texas, I got a staph infection in my arm, following some blood work I had done. After that was cleared up, I was on the hunt for a job, but I was also on a hunt for answers about my health. I had a nurse practioner who was pretty snarky and thought that “since I had tried everything for fibromyalgia,” to her knowledge at least, “that we may as well test my thyroid since my neck seemed a little puffy.” She said she didn’t expect to find anything, but if they did she would call. Can you believe the call I got the next morning?
“Hello, Shelby? This is Miss Mathis. We need you to come back in right away for another test on your thyroid. Your TSH is 27.11. We aren’t sure that this is accurate, it may be a fluke, but please come back in right away for another test.” “Thank you,” I said, and back we went. Another call the following day, confirming that my TSH indeed was 27, sent me on my way to the pharmacy for a prescription of 50 mcg of levothyroxine, daily. I was scared, but I remember thinking that this is treatable, and this could finally be the answer I’ve been looking for.

(Your TSH, Thyroid Stimulating Hormone, is the most commonly performed test to check your thyroid function. While this is a fantastic test, and yields correct results to diagnose Hyper- or Hypo- thyroid problems, it doesn’t always ring true. Mine, fortunately, did! The test results, like I mentioned previously, should fall between 0.3-3.0. Check with your physician.)

So for about 8 months I did fairly well! I was still achy and tired, but I chocked it up to the fibromyalgia, and went on my way. I had a job and made friends, many of which I still consider wonderful friends today! I lost 15 pounds and things seemed to be going good!

Around May I had a panic attack. I felt like there was an elephant on my chest, I couldn’t get enough air, my heart was racing. My husband took me into the hospital and they couldn’t figure it out. So they sent me on my way. A week or so later I followed up with my doctor, and still wasn’t feeling right. I found out that my TSH had risen again and I needed a dose adjustment. My doctor informed me that your thyroid being out of whack could most certainly cause those concerning symptoms. Hearing that put my mind at ease, knowing that I wasn’t losing my mind.

Between May and October I have gained over 35 lbs. My TSH is normal and the rest of my thyroid bloodwork seemed to be fine (except for what I am sharing in the next UPDATE paragraph). My clothes don’t fit or don’t fit right, and I’m having this new problem called being self-conscious. WHAT? That’s always been the least of my worries! I’ve never cared much how I looked or how people looked at me, but now it’s a struggle for me. However, my loving husband tells me I look beautiful as always.

UPDATE

Well! I started this blog a few months ago, around August of 2013 and with moving and all that hulaballoo I never got around to finishing it! Now it is November 2013 and I have a more definitive diagnosis! As of the 1st of November, I have been officially diagnosed with Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis. This is an autoimmune disease that accounts for 90% of all hypothyroidism cases. They had tested for the antibody’s of Hashimoto’s before, but it hadn’t turned up. They also did an ultrasound and found no thyroid nodules. That alone is a blessing! Nodules can take a turn and end up progressing into something no one wants to deal with. My thyroid is enlarged, but that isn’t anything to worry about at the moment and should go down with time and the proper treatment! I have switched medicines between just Synthroid (synthetic thyroid hormone), to Armour (natural dessicated thyroid) and Synthroid, to just Armour, and now per my endocrinologist, I am on Synthroid and Cytomel. Hopefully I am on the right track to fight this and to get on with my life without having to deal with this at every corner! Getting the diagnosis of Hashimoto’s put me at a little bit of peace, if that even makes sense. I feel validated that the doctors know what’s going on in my body, and together we can figure out a good treatment plan to get me back up to speed!

I also want to take a moment here at the end, (if you made it this far, I appreciate it and congratulate you!) to thank all my supporters: My family, friends, doctors, internet support groups, and even my cat (he counts! 😉 ) for being there with me. There are many people in my life who don’t take the time to understand that this is a battle for me, and no one at age 20 should have to deal with health problems. I should be living carefree, enjoying my marriage, going to school, hanging out with friends on a whim. I try not to let this or fibromyalgia slow me down, but it is difficult. So to all of you who have read my posts, asked how I am, sent well wishes, or prayed for me; I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. I post things online like this blog because a big support system helps me get through the hard times, and in the good times that means I have even more people to celebrate with! 🙂 Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!

If you think you may have symptoms relating to a thyroid problem, check with your doctor! I am not a doctor or any substitute for diagnosis. I am merely sharing a personal experience.

 

Thyroid blood tests: http://www.webmd.com/a-to-z-guides/thyroid-hormone-tests

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My Guide to Fibromyalgia for Friends & Family

If you’re reading this.. Two things!

1. Hello and thanks for visiting 🙂

2. You probably know I have Fibromyalgia.

Here, I just want to lay out a “Quick” & Easy Guide to Fibromyalgia!

So lets start off with the Overview.

Fibromyalgia is a syndrome, which causes long-term, or chronic, pain and fatigue. This pain is everywhere. Muscles, joints, skin, and we even seem to hurt in our hair sometimes! We all know that pain is necessary for survival. Pain lets us know there is something wrong. However with Fibro, this pain is unnecessary and makes us hurt for really no reason at all.

With Fibromyalgia, there is commonly no inflammation or swelling of the joints or organs. In some patients there is swelling or inflammation, but it can’t be pin-pointed to a specific area. Your bloodwork usually all comes back A-Okay and we often hear

“Well all your bloodwork looks good!” 

This is both a blessing and a curse. Yes, there is nothing “seriously” wrong, such as anemia, cancer, any inflammation, or major abnormalities. That is a VERY good thing! On the flip side, we have a small sliver of disappointment. We want so badly to hear an ANSWER. We say silently, “Just find SOMETHING.. Something to justify all of this pain!” (side note: They recently released a newer blood test that will diagnose Fibromyalgia! The test is FM/a and it identifies the cytokine patterns and that help determine Fibro. Brand new, so there are some kinks and it’s $744 out of pocket! Yikes! This type of test has been around for awhile, but they haven’t seemed to work out the “kinks” yet. However, maybe this can begin to be a building block to get us to a time where there is a 100% definitive blood test! It’s always important to do research with your healthcare provider to determine what tests are best for you.)

The symptoms are the next order of business!

  • Fatigue
  • Generalized pain, all over the body
  • Insomnia
  • Numbness or tingling in different areas of the body
  • Weakness in limbs and extremities
  • Feeling “drained” and weak, in general
  • Memory/Cognition problems, also known as Fibro-Fog
  • and many more you can find by clicking on THIS!

There are so many symptoms and they vary person to person! The ones I mentioned above are present in almost 100% of Fibromyalgia patients.
To determine the Fibromyalgia diagnosis there is one main test. This is called the Tender Points Test. To be diagnosed, you must be very sensitive and tender (hence the name) in at least 11 of the 18 points.
Fibromyalgia_trigger_points_diagram_crop
They are points in various places of the body, which are immensely painful! The healthcare professional only puts a small amount of pressure on these points and this helps determine your diagnosis. For most of us, the pain could nearly bring us to our knees or throw us into a flare!

That’s what is next! Flares.

A flare can mean numerous things, depending on the person! Personally here are how my flares affect me:

  • Overwhelming fatigue
  • Pain in all areas of the body
  • Sensitivity to light, sound, and smell (Many people with Fibro often have a heightened sense of smell, which can lead to painful migraines!)
  • Migraine headaches
  • Stiffness in joints, mostly my back and legs
  • Nausea
  • The “fog” becoming thick, and I tend to repeat myself or ask questions mutliple times (my poor husband!)

Many things can “throw” us into a flare. Stress, work, weather, other sicknesses like a cold, and more!

Like I said, the flares can be different in various people. I know some people who break out in rashes or have frequent muscle spasms. The one common symptom is increased pain.

Next is Overlapping Conditions:

A lot of us with Fibromyalgia, also have overlapping conditions. A few common conditions that seem to go hand-in-hand with Fibro are…

  • Hypothyroidism (I have this as well)
  • Depression
  • Anxiety
  • Irritable Bowel Syndrome (One of my very first Fibro symptoms, I’ve had this as long as I could say “my stomach hurts”. Just ask my family!)
  • Migraine headaches
  • Internal Cystitis (Imagine having a urinary tract infection constantly)
  • Multiple Chemical Sensitivity (Such as being allergic or developing unwanted symptoms from lotions, perfumes, cleaning agents, air fresheners, and more)
  • Restless Leg Syndrome
  • Lupus
  • Arthritis
  • and, again, many more!

Sometimes it’s hard to decipher which came first. The Fibromyalgia or the conditions above? Sometimes it is the Fibromyalgia, then conditions like Irritable Bowel or Restless Leg rears their ugly heads. However, other times conditions like Hypothyroidism or Lupus come first and then we discover that Fibromyalgia is there as well.

This condition is very hard to explain to others because we LOOK so healthy and we seem fine on some days. That’s one of the major things I wish you to take away from this. If you have skimmed this whole article, PLEASE, at least read what I am about to say!

Living with Fibromyalgia is a day-to-day experience! Some days we have low pain and lots of energy! Lots of energy to have fun with friends and family, go outside for a walk, or run errands. HOWEVER, if we over-do it one day, we are almost ALWAYS going to pay for it the next day! By “pay for it” I mean we will be sore and stiff, be worn out, and even depressed because we felt so great the day before and today we feel useless!

My absolute favorite way to explain this is The Spoon Theory! You can follow the link and I will also post it at the end of the post. I’ll give a quick version in my own words.

  • Healthy people have an unlimited amount of ‘spoons
  • People with a chronic pain condition have a limited amount of ‘spoons’
  • Say you begin the day with 10 spoons (some days you will have more and some days you will have less)… So you wake up
  • Taking a shower will take 1 spoon
  • Changing clothes will take 1 spoon
  • Making a quick breakfast will take 1 spoon
  • Driving takes 1 spoon
  • If you have a job, you will most likely use a few spoons just getting through the day. Walking, lifting, pulling, and pushing will all take your spoons and it’ll take them quick!
  • Driving home 1 more spoon
  • Making dinner takes 1 or 2 spoons
  • So wait… We’re out of spoons. We havent ran any errands today. We haven’t even changed into our PJ’s. Haven’t played with your kids or your pets. You haven’t even cleaned up dinner yet!

That will give you an insight on the choices we have to make, for ourselves, daily. Will we lift those boxes at work or will we ask for help? Will we grab an easy dinner on the way home or stand for an hour to make it and another half hour to clean it up? Should we run the errands today or on our day off? These choices are hard to make, especially with a limited number of ‘spoons’. If you’ve ever heard anyone called a “Spoonie”, this is where it came from!

In conclusion, I want to say thank you. Thank you so much for reading this post. It would send me over the moon to know that you took just one thing away from this post! I know it wasn’t as “quick” as I hoped it would be, so I thank you for reading again! As a young adult with Fibromyalgia, I am taking it upon myself to educate my friends, family, and the world about this condition! I have lost friendships with this condition, but I have gained so many more.

My absolute FAVORITE support group is on Facebook, Fed Up With Fibromyalgia. I have gained some life-long friends there, with people who go through this dreaded condition WITH me! If you or a loved one has Fibromyalgia, I urge you to go to their fan page and read a few of their posts. They are outstanding!

Another thing I want to add, is that my best friend has a chronic pain condition, too. She has Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, and I will provide a link at the bottom of this post for that as well. Those with EDS can also develop Fibromyalgia. We became friends years before we knew that either of us had these problems and our friendship has only grown stronger because of it! So I don’t “curse” Fibromyalgia, most of the time. I see it as a blessing in disguise. A way for me to help others and be supportive of what others are going through as well.

fibro butterfly

Here are a few links for things I mentioned previously:

Fibromyalgia
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001463/

The Fibromyalgia blood test
http://thefmtest.com/

Fibro Fog
http://www.fibromyalgia-symptoms.org/fibromyalgia_fibrofog.html

The 18 Tender Points
http://arthritis.about.com/od/fibromyalgia/g/tenderpoints.htm

Hypothyroidism
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001393/

Lupus
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001471/

The Spoon Theory
http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/wpress/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/

Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome
http://www.ednf.org/

Fed Up With Fibromyalgia Support Group

  • Fan Page

https://www.facebook.com/FedUpWithFibromyalgia?fref=ts

  • Closed Group (helpful if you want support from a smaller group and it’s completely closed so no one on your Facebook friends list can see your posts unless they are members of the group!)

https://www.facebook.com/groups/fedupwithfibromyalgia/

Here is a video from a wonderful lady, Marci, at the Fed Up With Fibromyalgia support group. She made this to visually show others how we feel! It shows members of the group and quotes about our emotions and lives with Fibro. Also relaxing music to enjoy while you watch 🙂
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=ZTWnqksfHPU

395100_494661083897882_1541174819_n

Compassion and Empathy

  • These are two qualities I’ve had for as long as I can remember. These are something my mom taught all of us kids, whether she knows it or not.

My mother is disabled because of various back disorders and nerve conditions. She worked her hands to the bone until she really couldn’t handle it anymore, and then worked some more! Growing up, and now, we saw our mom struggle with her health. Some days she can’t move off the couch to take her medicine, so we’ve always been within a yell across the house to help. We never rolled our eyes or called her lazy, because obviously that’s our mom and she’s in pain! However that doesn’t mean others don’t say that. It’s tricky to understand. One day she will be okay enough to pick up sticks in the yard or run errands in town, but the next she’s down for the count. A fair amount of people don’t and WON’T take the time to understand this, or chronic pain in general.

  • Ever since we could help, we did.

Helped sort laundry, carry groceries, mow the yard, or just bend down to pick up a pen. This, slowly but surely, taught us that helping others and understanding what they were going through was good. Little did I know that as I got older, I would need people to be empathetic towards me. Now that I have Fibromyalgia, I am even more compassionate to others with chronic pain, especially my mom. I further understood what it was like to feel like a truck hit me, backed up, then ran over me again. Getting in the car is a chore. Walking around the store, standing to make dinner, lifting and pushing are all things I pay for, just as anyone with chronic pain does!

  • So next time you see someone struggling, ask if they need anything. Just the offer will mean more than you know! It doesn’t matter, old or young, just a helping hand is always appreciated. 
  • Don’t let others discourage you from helping others or just talking to them so you can understand their situation. My sister, Cheyenne, is in 4th grade and gets picked on because she wants to help everyone. Why do kids pick on her for that? They call her stupid  and are rude to her when she tries to help them. Thankfully my best friend’s brother is her age. I guarantee Cheyenne can get on his nerves a little 😉 but he is understanding. 

Image

 

  • In closing, I just want to say that being compassionate or empathetic is something that everyone appreciates. Just genuinely asking if someone is okay or needs anything, is a good feeling. Try it today! I bet you won’t be disappointed!

Playing Catch-Up!

Originally posted October 17, 2012 (updating through January):

Oh my, oh my where have I been? It’s been 5 months since I’ve blogged about my life happenings and finally I found the motivation to commence with the blogging once more! So let’s think… What has happened in the past 8 months?

  • May: The month we moved to the grand state of Texas! I came here with two overly-stuffed (but still under the 50 lb weight limit for airlines) suitcases and bag of mixed emotions.  How do you go to bed one day, in your own bed, your familiar room, in the house you’ve spent 18 years of holidays and birthdays in, on the street where you grew up, in the town you know like the back of your hand, and wake up the next morning knowing that your life will never be the same again? How does one do that? Well, my explanation: It’s hard… harder than a lot of things I’ve ever done in my life, but life goes on and you can’t stop now, so just keep truckin’.  My first week in Texas flew by. We had a marriage trip the day after I arrived (didn’t even spend 12 hours in my own house before we had to leave for the trip). That lasted a few days and when Corey got home, he found out he had a 24-hour shift the next day. That means… I was left alone for the next 24 hours, in the very unfamiliar place that was my home, with some gas station food, a bed, and my laptop. We’re going to skip the part of me being paranoid and move on…. Oh, not to mention, at this point our house was very empty, due to the fact that Corey hadn’t been in the house much longer than me (a couple days) and then we had the trip, and then the 24 shift, so we hadn’t had much time to figure out any furniture situations or ways to get our cooking supplies here.798299_4235177648984_83792923_o
  • So.. No furniture (besides a bed), no cooking utensils/pots/pans, not even a shower curtain. It was a little rough. Hah. People always say you’ll look back and laugh at your struggles from before, because you survived and you were all right. Well I’m thinking of how MAD I got from having no shower curtain and the water was just EVERYWHERE. All over the floor, all over the toilet, on the walls, everywhere. I was yelling and whining and pitching a fit about how I can’t believe this is happening. (Wow I was a brat…) Hah. Needless to say, we had a shower curtain by the end of the day. It took us awhile to get our kitchenware, but we did finally get it and I just remember Corey saying the first meal he wanted in our house was spaghetti. Any of the other Hamiltons can vouch for how true this is for any of the Hamilton men. So that night I made spaghetti and garlic bread. These are small and simple things you probably aren’t enjoying reading, but one day I’ll go back and read them and I’ll enjoy it.
  • June: it was quite a rough month for us. In the course of that month, I went to the hospital a total of 3 or 4 times. All the visits were long and painful, the doctors suggested I go to this specialist and this other one too and this guy down the street, here ya go, now be on your way. It was a depressing month, because I felt useless and helpless. Here is my husband, working everyday so we can have food, a house, a car, furniture, cell phones, and what am I doing? Sitting in the house in agony, and feeling guilty for not being able to contribute. Gosh… What a rough month June was. On the upside, we got a car! Our first car, a 2009 black VW Jetta.286190_4235163888640_76910364_o
  • Also, a plus, I finally got into my primary care physician in July. And… Last but not least, at the end of June I got a special surprise. As we went to do laundry one day, I saw a flyer up for super cute orange and white kittens. I said “Aww Corey look!” and he kind of nodded and kept walking. He had to run back to the house because we forgot some towels, and when he came back he said that one of his buddies needed help at around 8, but it was just down the street so he would be back in time for the laundry to be done and to load it in the car. I continued to do the laundry and started packing it up when I get a call a little after 8 telling me to come outside. I walk outside and Corey is holding a tiny orange and white kitten. I was so surprised that I cried. It was so sweet! Such a tiny little Ham. He was named Lionel. ❤793899_4235165408678_1597639173_o
  • July: This was an up-and-down month. It started out with a bang, though. On the 4th of July a couple of Corey’s battles got into a car accident and so we went to help them out. They were all fine, thankfully, and then Corey and I watched the fireworks and the free (well I love anything that is free, so we had to go!) Kelly Clarkson concert here on Fort Hood. July was filled with getting bills in order, filling out applications, medical tests out the wazoo, and just hoping to find some answers for my health, my life, and all of the above. I’m trying to think of other things that happened in July, but nothing is really ringing a bell. Toward the end of that month I was hitting job applications hard and was starting to get excited for my trip home at the beginning of August.
  • August: The beginning of August, I think maybe even the 1st, I got a call for an interview. A job, finally! However, I was pretty skeptical that they would even hire me since I was about to leave for a week and couldn’t start right away. Nonetheless, I had my interview the next day and got the job! What a huge blessing that was, and still is. The next day I got some more news (good and  bad, however you see it). The doctor called and told me I needed to come in as soon as possible because I had some tests that were a little abnormal and wanted to do some more bloodwork to make sure it wasn’t a fluke. Went in, got the bloodwork done, and she called the next day (the day before I was leaving to visit home) and confirmed I had hypothyroidism. In short, hypothyroidism happens when your thyroid gland decides to stop working (partially or all together) and has to be treated with synthetic thyroid replacement hormones. I’m on a regimen of Synthroid every morning, every day, all the time, for the rest of forever. I know that’s a piece of the puzzle as to why I am not healthy and feel so bad. Not to mention the Fibromyalgia. I picked up my prescription and the next day I was on a plane, homeward bound. The visit went entirely too fast, but that’s how it goes. I got to see my nephew for the first time and that was great. I was so busy hopping from place to place, that I didn’t get to spend a lot of time with anyone in particular besides my grandparents. I am thankful every single day to have them. They have really made a giant impact on my life and how I do things every day. After returning home to my loving husband, I started working. (Its all been a blur since then… haha) Oh, yeah. I had a birthday at some point in time during this month, too. At the end of August, while I was at work, Corey comes in with this absolutely blank look on his face and told me that the car was totaled. I’m pretty sure my stomach dropped out of my body. One thousand things were racing through my head. Was he okay? Well he was standing in front of me, so that’s a plus. What happened? What are we going to do? But thankfully, Corey was fine (as was the other driver) and that’s really all that mattered. It took a few weeks to straighten it all out, but luckily we made it through and got our new car…. a 2013 Dodge Avenger! 823634_4235173328876_920611853_o
  • September: There wasn’t much buzz in the Hamilton household. Just working on getting a car and working working working. I also saw a couple doctors that month, and my thyroid levels started to decrease- all good things! That month wasn’t eventful in the slightest, but that’s okay because we needed a break!! Haha.
  • October: That brings us up to speed. Also, not a very eventful month so far, but at least it’s starting to cool down a little. I’m talking 80s, which is much better than 100s! I have a few medical procedures next week and we will hopefully get some answers from those. I also start a new medication soon, so I’m praying that will help get me through the daily pain. I’m sure you’re all wondering… yes, Lionel is doing great! 😉 IMAG1627
  • November: Busy month! I met one of my now best friends, Corinda! She’s awesome! She also has fibromyalgia so it’s easier for her to understand what I’m going through. It was also the month of my husband’s birthday 🙂 You wouldn’t have known though, since he was making dinner for ME that following week! He’s a good cook whether he knows it or not. This month was the beginning of what was about to be a bad medical month though. I was in a spiral of migraines and my pupils were dilated for weeks; as shown here. IMAG1729 Yikes!
  • December: This month was a rough one. My mom (so stubborn) had a lot of complications with her Diabetes and after being sick for so long, she was just pitiful. Worried and anxious, I came home to get her back to a ‘normal’ state, and help with my little booger of sister 😉 IMAG1889 (Notice she’s wearing a cat shirt. Can you tell we’re related?) Our poor mama had to spend a few days in the hospital and even her doc reprimanded her for putting it off so long! We were all so worried about her, but glad she finally gave in (which really means that Shelby came home and took away all her excuses not to go!) and got back in order. We can’t think of what we would do if something happened to her. After helping out and visiting with family, I came home to MY family: Corey and Lionel. At this point, I’m not doing well health-wise. Despite that, we had a great visit with friends for Christmas! That evening we made Christmas cookies and I avidly watched Norad’s Santa Tracker like a little girl! 819389_4235190249299_477893137_o
  • January: Health still not up-to-par, but improving! Found out it was the Cymbalta causing the ice-pick headaches and crazy eyes. The plan was to start school, but that ended in disappointment. Trying for August as a birthday present to myself! This month began the first full month we were supposed to be dead. Looks like they pushed the Apocalypse back a few years. We found out that one of the Monopoly board game pieces is on the chopping block. Another exciting event: Little Sweet-cat got a leash (I want to keep him safe!) IMAG2315Thank you to everyone who has stopped by to catch up! I hope to bring you more, exciting blogs in the near future! 🙂

You Get What You Give

Originally posted May 31, 2012

This blog entry is not giving advice from the standpoint of a medical professional. If you, or someone you know, seems to be struggling with depression, get help immediately.

 With that being said, I’m going to talk about girls. Girls girls girls. Yuck. All I see on Facebook anymore are those pictures that say “Like if you agree” and a bunch of them say things like this: (my personal explanation will follow)

 

  • “See that girl? She looks happy, right? Well really, she’s dying inside. She’s hurt. Tired of the drama. Tired of not being good enough. She doesn’t want to seem weak, so she keeps it all inside. To everyone else, she seems like the happiest person around. If they only knew the truth…”

Okay, first off. That girl probably looks happy because she’s rich. Haha. Okay, just kidding. Anyway. If this is you, GET HELP. Why be depressed about “not being good enough”? If you feel like you aren’t good enough, you should probably seek help, because that’s a sign of depression. Bottling things up is also VERY BAD. Don’t do it. Find SOMEONE to talk to. Just someone who will listen. Seriously. If you feel hurt and torn up inside, talk to somebody. Even if its your dog.

 

  • “Never become “just friends” with someone you used to love, because part of your heart will always love them…”

Wrong. I’ve loved a few people and we are still friends. No, I don’t love them anymore. Your “heart” will not ALWAYS love someone. Mind over matter. Get over it. Your relationship (or even if you didn’t have a relationship with them and you’re still convinced that you loooooved them) was obviously not meant to be or you would be with them.

 

  • “Missing someone + No text from them = worst feeling ever.”

Text them first, dummy! Come on. If you really wanted to talk to them, you would A) Text them first. B) Call them. or C) Suffer the long and agonizing wait until school in the morning to talk to them. Stop feeling bad for yourself. If they aren’t texting you back for who knows what reason, maybe YOU should get over it. For real.

 

  • “I want a boy that will hold my hand in line at the mall and make all the girls jealous. I want someone who would sing to me at random moments. Someone who is more goofy than romantic. A boy that would throw stuffed animals at me when I’m being dumb. Someone who would bet me kisses that he could beat me at all the old playstation games and then let me win. He’d play with my hair all the time and surprise me with 25 cent rings. But mostly… someone to be my best friend and never break my heart, instead; just always make me smile.”

Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, WRONG. You don’t want this. I promise. If you had this, you would find every reason to poke and prod about them not being “mature” and if someone threw a stuffed animal at me when I was acting dumb, you’d better believe I’d get PISSED OFF. As would anyone who is trying to make a point. Bet you kisses? Oh that’s cute. Gag. The end is what gets me. “Just always make me smile.” Okay, here’s the thing. A relationship isn’t going to be fun and games and cuteness all the time. If that’s all it is, then it’s not much of a relationship. Relationships have to grow and evolve to be productive. Growth is made by change. You know what happens when things change? Someone doesn’t like it and an argument ensues.

 

Every single relationship that is worthwhile and meaningful is going to have disagreements, arguments, and fights. If you go about them the CORRECT way, they can be productive. If you go about them in the wrong manner, considering all you want are hugs, kisses, and snuggles the whole relationship and you’re not accepting the fact that PEOPLE CHANGE, then your relationship will most likely fail.

 

  • It also bothers me to see girls who recently got dumped by a guy be soooo upset when it was basically THEIR FAULT. Yeah, ladies, your fault. I know I’ve messed up a couple relationships because it was my fault, but look where I am today. It obviously didn’t kill me. The relationships where the girl picks and prods about everything the guy does. He plays video games too much, he doesn’t talk to me when his friends are over, he doesn’t do what I ask him to, he doesn’t take me out on dates anymore, he doesn’t surprise me, etc. Listen up! It MIGHT be because you’re not noticing all the things he does RIGHT. My husband and I just got into a tiff last week about this. I was basically pointing out all the negatives and not looking at all the things he does that goes unnoticed. He put together a tv stand, cleaned up our room, plugged in my laptop, took out the trash, and many other things, but all I could see was the lemonade that was spilled, the clothes that were out of the basket, and that he didn’t throw away his pop bottle. Yeah, it sounds petty, but it happens. Girls like to look for things to pick about (I’m a girl, so I know firsthand!). Sometimes not intentionally; I wasn’t intentionally looking for something to whine about, but I did. I noticed the things he did, yeah, but I didn’t make a comment about it. A simple “thank you” or “wow, the room looks nice!” would have been all he needed. Guys want to feel appreciated. They do little things that we don’t really notice most of the time, or when we do notice them we think “Oh, good. I won’t have to do that later.” but men need to HEAR that. Tell them thank you. Tell them you appreciate the little things they do, and be specific! If he comes to pick you up for a date and he shaved, tell him you think that he looks nice or thanks for picking you up. Just little things to boost his attitude. You get what you give. So if you give negativity, you’re bound to get it.

The First Stop in Our Journey!

Originally posted May 19, 2012:

Hello again! I have been go-go-go for the past week and now life has slowed down enough for an entry to let you all know I’m alive and well.

  • This week has been CRAZY. Starting with Monday. In the morning I stopped by Marie’s house to pick up  my disc of FABULOUS images from my Rock The Dress session 🙂 as I said goodbye she had already made up in her mind that I wasn’t getting away that easy, so she invited me to hang out with her and Cakes that evening. I gladly accepted and went on my way to do some packing. I didn’t end up doing a whole lot of packing, but I picked up my best friend (aka: Karissa) and went home. My grandparents looked at my photos and found them absolutely stunning and we watched some tv. Afterwards I went to Marie’s house, had some of her lovely lasagna and trekked off to watch her boyfriend’s softball game! We got home late and after a wonderful last-night home, it was time for sleep.
  • Tuesday: What a day! I woke up, bought my plane ticket to leave at 7 p.m., and I was off. I left the house a little before 11 after a very painful goodbye to my most favorite people, my grandparents. My grandma had some testing at the hospital and I wasn’t sure if I would see them again before I left at 4ish. I went to Aroma’s and had a scrumptious breakfast/lunch (I don’t like the word “brunch” because it just reminds me of The Brady Bunch and curly hair) with Sarah Monroe and we had lots of catching up to do! After a stinging goodbye, I went home to finish packing and laundry. Little did I know that I had WAY more stuff than I thought. *whoops!* Around 3, my mom went to pick up Karissa as I tried to finish up the laundry. Wellllll that didn’t happen. So I took all the clothes I could fit in two suitcases, along with Corey’s PS3, and two blankets. After lugging those out to the car it was time for my final goodbye to my grandparents. I’m not even going to go into detail because I would be typing like this- And then… sniffle sniffle… I said…. sniffle *bawl like a baby*.. goodbye to Mam…. *bawling tremendously*…and Pap.. So we’re not gonna go there! After that I had to stop at my mom’s house to say bye to my brother Joey and my dad (and my dog, of course). When all of that was said and done, we left for the airport. Upon arriving to the Drop-Off area it hit me that I may not see 3 of my favorite people I used to sometimes take for granted, for a very long time: My best friend who has been there for me through thick-and-thin, no matter what, my little sister who I sometimes wanted to strangle, and my mother, who despite our differences sometimes, she is the only person I could go to with anything and everything throughout my whole life. The hugs and goodbyes went in that order, followed by one last hug for my little sister that broke. my heart..
  •  LISTEN UP: As much as you may or may not despise your smaller siblings sometimes for bursting into your room, making a mess in your car, embarrassing you in front of your friends or boyfriend/girlfriend, going on and on about random little-kid shows, asking you 1000 questions about anything and everything, etc. REMEMBER. One day, if you have to leave them, you will miss them. When you see the tears in their eyes, when they tell you “I wish you didn’t have to leave”… It will break your heart in a million pieces.

  As I wiped the tears from my eyes and pretended to look fine, I walked in the airport. I flew to Dallas/Fort Worth for a short layover, and then to Waco where my husband was waiting for me with a much-needed hug and kiss. Seeing his face made everything okay. It didn’t make me not miss anyone from home, or take away the pain of the goodbyes, but he made everything bearable, everything okay.

  • Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday went by like a flash! I got to sleep in our own bed for a few hours on Tuesday night and was up early Wednesday for a “Marriage Retreat”. Oh I know what it sounds like. It sounds like where someone goes that has a “problem marriage”, because that’s what I thought it was! Haha. However, it wasn’t like that at all. The seminar was held in Dallas at Embassy Hotel & Suites for 2 and 1/2 days. It was entitled “Laugh Your Way to A Better Marriage” and consisted of only couples from Fort Hood, some of which had been married a few months, and others who had been married for 25+ years! It was a learning experience and we both really enjoyed it and learned a lot to help us when times get rough in our life.

   We got back around 4 on Friday evening and ate, looked at cars, and finally just came home and crashed. Today Corey is gone for something at work and that leaves me home alone. My only thought for the day is “Hmm.. Okay… I know no one here, I’m in the middle of an Army base, we have no furniture yet, our stuff hasn’t gotten here yet, and I’m in pain. Fun day.” Sounds like a blast, right? It’ll get better.

   This upcoming week we are *fingers crossed* getting a car! Hopefully after that we can acquire some furniture and liven up this house a little! I don’t have much of a life, really, but I’ll try to keep everyone updated on our lives here in the Hood! (that joke is gonna get old reeeeal quick…)

I’m almost always free, so feel free to send me a text or call anytime you’d like because I need people to keep me updated on all the wondrous happenings of Brookville and such 🙂

Big Impacts

Originally posted May 7, 2012:

So this week has been kind of busy and crazy, considering I am moving at the end of the week/beginning of next week. Also, I have an Upper GI (scope with a camera and small knife for biopsies, inserted down your throat into your stomach and small intestine) in the morning and that’s been quite the run-around with the insurance. However, tonight’s blog will be about…

  • acceptance
  • support
  • small things that really impact your life (whether you notice it now or not)
  • I’ll start off with acceptance. I am and always have been, a people pleaser. I do things to make others happy and my happiness is always second, sometimes third. I always want to be accepted and I “just want  people like me”. I think this is honestly just one of my traits and I’m not going to be able to “grow out of” or change. I think I will always want the approval of someone, whether it be my family, friends, or complete strangers. In ways, that’s not so bad. Consider at a job: being accepted and approved of is a good thing! The more recognition you get for doing a good job and putting others first, the farther you move up. However, sometimes its detrimental.

Think about family and friends: there will ALWAYS be someone who doesn’t approve of how you do things, how you live your life, how you raise your children, how you cook your meals, etc. I understand that I shouldn’t take everything my family and friends say to heart, but on the inside I always remember the things that have been said. I shouldn’t need everyone’s “approval” and maybe I should just “grow up” and not listen to them, but that’s not my personality and not how I am. I’m always going to want to make others happy and I will do anything to be accepted in my choices. No, that’s probably not healthy. And honestly, if I did this with EVERY aspect of my life, I wouldn’t have

  1. dropped out of high school
  2. gotten married
  3. decided to move away from everything and everyone I have ever known

I suppose I don’t do this in every aspect, but trust me: I remember everything that has been said to me about “rushing into my marriage” “dropping out of school” and how it was “a terrible decision” and how I have disappointed family and friends. Yes. I totally understand I’m a grown woman and I shouldn’t listen to anyone as long as I’m happy, but I do! I care what everyone thinks! I care what my mother thinks, what my cousins think, what people from my graduating class think. I care! I know I’m getting quite repetitive, but seriously. To end this topic…. I care what everyone thinks. Big or small impact on my life, I care. I always will want to “fit in” and be accepted by people, and that’s something I will deal with. Yeah, I’ll probably pout every once and awhile, but it’s true. I feel the need to be accepted, even if it’s by a few people.

  •  Next! Support. I’m not even sure where to start. From a very young age I have been supported in many, if not all, the choices I have made. Around high school is where I saw less and less support. I understand that dropping out of high school may have not been the “right” choice, but it was for me. “What’s right for one person, isn’t right for everyone.” That is a quote my mom used every time I would get worked up and upset about my choices. I dropped out of high school because I had ongoing (and still do) medical problems that keep me from doing everyday activities and sitting at school (or anywhere basically) for long periods of time. I would just get so worked up about missing school because of being sick that I would get to school, sit in the parking lot, and cry. I couldn’t go inside, I WOULDN’T go inside, because I was so far behind and I couldn’t face my teachers and fellow students with work that “should” have been completed. [It’s a vicious cycle getting caught up after missing an extended amount of school-work, keep that in mind. A person can only handle so much.]

I wasn’t supported very much (besides my mother and a few close family members) about dropping out, but shortly after I got my GED (with honors- I didn’t even know that existed) and was soon engaged afterwords, to the man who is now my husband. Getting engaged and married was another one of the “acceptance” issues. To this day I don’t think my parents and grandparents  “approve” of me getting married, but not once did they decline helping me plan my wedding. They saw that I am an adult and their approval or disapproval wasn’t going to stop me. I will be forever grateful for their generosity and help throughout everything. My grandparents even opened up their home to let my husband live here while he was home on leave.From day one of dating, my (now) husband has supported me in everything. He watched me do homework, cry because I was so far behind, drop out of school, get my GED, and even with little steps along the way. This is why I believe our marriage is, and will continue to be, successful. He has supported me, and I have supported him. Before him, I hated (let’s say it again) HATED the Army. Yep. I hated it because I wasn’t educated and I just always thought war was NOT the way to fix anything, and all they did was kill kill kill and that is obviously getting us nowhere, and I always hated how it tore families apart, etc. HATED! IT! However, after getting myself educated, I understood why he was doing it and how it really was. It’s not AT ALL about killing and tearing apart families. Therefore, I have supported him in everything he has done, from losing weight for the Army, going into the Army, being in the Army, and other things such as how he handles every day situations. I support him and sometimes I don’t like the way he does things, but I know that if it were me, he would be there saying “okay, I’m here.” so I do the exact same. Even when my family and close friends haven’t supported me in some aspects of my life, lately, he has been there. Support is a BIG facet in any relationship, family, and friendship.

  • Last, but not least… The little things. Little things are whatever you see fit. My version of little things are: when my husband sneaks around Wal-Mart to buy me an Angry Birds car magnet, when my little sister tells me “Shelb… I really want you to be home for Christmas… That’s a time for family…”, when my best friend tells me I’m more of a sister to her than just a best friend, and when my grandma sheds a few tears when my grandpa mentions me moving away. These little things are the things I will look back on in 20 years and think “wow… Look at all the wonderful people who went out of their way to think of me…” and I will appreciate that more than the big things like: getting our first house, buying a new car, or even moving from state-to-state. So the next time your significant other/parent/friend/anyone does a little something for you or says a simple “I appreciate you” “I love you” or compliments you, remember that. Keep in mind that at that point in time, they are thinking about you. A little appreciation for the little things in life will go far.